I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
