So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
