it's not cheating when I paid for it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Holy shit dude........stairs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
