8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
