Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
