dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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