No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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