Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
