I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
