woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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