I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
