I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
