i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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