Define "chronic" masturbator.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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