i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
