i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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