he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
