Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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