I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
