I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
