oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
