Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
