I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
