Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
