he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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