I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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