am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
