I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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