she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
