I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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