and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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