I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
