My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
