is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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