You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why can't burritos get me drunk
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
