i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
