matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
