i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
God, I missed his penis.
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