Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
