R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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