my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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