thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
