i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Randomize
