i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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