I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
