I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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