no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
