NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
