it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
