oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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